Friday, 27 March 2009

Cats in a Flap

Bluey has decided he's a star and this all began when a cheque came in the post from a German publisher for an anthology which includes my story entitled, A Cat Called Blue. The persona on this feline star is one of disdain for the brand of cat food he's eaten since a kitten, dried food and anything human - and definitely anything female or feline, which means me, and our other cat Tilly.
Tilly, as you know was an orphan abandoned in the storm by a neighbour who will remain nameless as she isn't worthy. Bluey is jealous, there's no two ways about it. He stalks into the sitting room, eyes her with disgust and tries to chase her about the house. Tilly, of course had a somewhat slapdash upbringing, and her language would make a docker blush, so she lets Bluey know in no uncertain terms that she is not to be tampered with. They have declared an armistice for the nights though - but only because then they get to share out bed and keep us awake by purring!
Anyway, getting back to this stardom bit, it has all come to a head after 'im indoors went out and bought a new cat flap. It's very smart, shuts properly so there isn't a howling gale blowing through it, and refuses entry to the other cats in the neighbourhood which had taken it upon themselves to visit, wee and eat all the food lying about.
For this flap to work both cats had to have a chip implanted. Tilly swore and Bluey eyed 'im indoors with such loathing he almost cried - he's that way inclined actually, the old man - cries at the soppiest things, and yet he's all man I can guarantee that!
Getting back to the cats. With the flap installed it was now time to teach them how to use it. Stuffing their head in the hole so the mechanism could read the chip was only the beginning. Tilly refused point blank to go anywhere near it, and Blue sat for hours trying to stare it into submission.
'im indoors didn't help. One pathetic miaow from Blue, or a pair of sad green eyes from Tilly and he acted as doorman! Well, that couldn't go on. I'm damned if I'll get up in the middle of the night to play concierge to two cats!
I stuffed both cats unceremoniously through the flap at every opportunity. They only had to look as if they'd got their legs crossed and out they went.
Now we have a real problem.
Blue will go out the flap and refuses to come in through it.
Tilly will happily charge in, but refuses to go out.
'im indoors is still acting as doorman, and I've given up. I've warned him, one 'accident' on the carpet and he cleans it up, I've got more important things to worry about - like writing this blog.